- "Lives in the country with his mum and his sister."
"And are they as big as he is?"
"The mum and the sister."
- ―Nicholas and Danny referring to Michael
Michael "Lurch" Armstrong is a hulking figure of a man easily capable of throwing a full grown adult with excessive force. He is the very unintelligent henchman of Simon Skinner who works at Somerfield. During the Sandford Police Service's raid on Somerfield, he fought in hand-to-hand combat with Nicholas Angel and eventually ended up shoved in a freezer until his later arrest. He's a member of the Neighbourhood Watch Alliance, though it is unlikely that he actually has any care for Sandford and just acts as a muscle man. He was shown crying after his arrest meaning either he had remorse or was scared by the arrest process.
- The usage of the word "Armstrong" in his name could be a reference to his strength.
- According to Danny Butterman, his mother and his sister are the same person. This could imply that Michael is inbred.
- Michael can only say two words: "yarp" (yes) and "narp" (no).
- He is very similar to Lennie Small from John Steinbeck's novella, "Of Mice and Men", They are both unintelligent, very tall and very strong.
- Michael's in-universe nickname, "Lurch", is a reference to the character from The Addams Family film series.